How The Angel Got To Be
On Top Of That Christmas Tree
This here story answers that age old question, “How did that angel git on top of the Christmas tree?”
Santa was settin’ there in front of the fireplace, laid out in the Lazy Boy with his feet up. Suddenly he woke up and glanced at his watch. It was ‘leven thirty! It was Christmas Eve and he had to be outta there by twelve or he wouldn’t git all the toys delivered in time!
He jumped up and run to the back room. He tore through the closet lookin’ fer his red suit. He shook the moth balls outta the sleeve and slipped into the britches. He heard a great big Rip! He backed up to the mirror and sure enuf, he’d tore the seat right outta them britches. He glanced at his watch and it was 25 ‘til twelve. So he skinnied off them britches and run ‘em down to the little tailor elves and said, “Boys, sew this back up!” They did.
Santa come in and throwed on his coat ‘n’ hunted around in the closet fer his boots. He couldn’t find ‘em, so he hollered, “Hey Maw, where’s my boots at?”
She hollered back, “They’re out on the back porch where you left ‘em when ya’ come in last Christmas!”
Sure enuf, he run out on the back porch they’d built on the trailer house and there they were. He had pulled ‘em off wet last year and they’d dried out and the toes had curled up some, but he stuffed his feet down in ‘em and dadgum it the heel didn’t fall off the left boot! Santa glanced at his watch. It was 20 ‘til twelve! He ripped them boots off and took ‘em down to the little cobbler elves and said, “Boys, hammer this back on!” And they did.
Santa slipped on his boots and run into the house, grabbed his coat and took out across the yard to hook up the sleigh. The yard light had burned out and somebody had left the snow plow parked in the driveway. He hit that sucker at a dead run ‘n’ went head over heels landing with a big war whoop which spooked the reindeer ‘n’ they went over the top rail ‘n’ out in the bean field! Santa glanced at his watch. It was a quarter ‘til twelve!
The little cowboy elves saddled up and brought the reindeer into the barn, put ‘em in the hitch and hooked ‘em up to the sleigh. Santa jumped up into the buckboard seat, cracked the whip ‘n’ the reindeer took off, but Santa just sat there! The tugs had broke on the harness! Santa glanced at his watch. It was 10 ‘til twelve.
Santa said “Boys, gather up them reindeer and I’ll fix the harness.” Then he hooked the team back up, leaped in the sleigh and slid on down in front of the house. Just as they pulled up to the house one of the runners fell off the sled! Santa glanced at his watch! It was 5 ‘til twelve!
They welded the runner back on and Santa run in the house. He grabbed that big bag of toys, slung it up over his shoulder and … Yep, you guessed it. The bottom tore outta that bag and toys went everywhere!
Santa was down on his hands and knees scramblin’ around stuffin’ them toys in a Safeway sack, when a little angel come flyin’ in the door with a Christmas tree over his shoulder and said “Hey Santa, where do you want me to put this?"